What are you gonna be when you grow up??

                         Well this has been the big question on my mind lately.

I know that basically I'm already grown, okay, not basically, Let's face it, I AM A GROWN UP, 

but lately I feel the need to answer this question for myself.  It's about time. I know

Sometimes I would like to kick myself for being stupid and stubborn. When I graduated from High School, the thought of willingly going back to School was an outrageous thought.  Now I wish that someone would have told me it wasn't an option. Thanks for nothing, Mr. Ballock for relentlessly informing and impressing on my "Young" mind, that "School's Not For Everyone"!! I sure appreciate that

I have been so Lucky the last 6 years to have what in my opinion, I call " A Great Job".

The job, like most has it's drawbacks or hard parts.  I have to be up early to go sit on a cold bus, and ride to school with sweet kids who are tired, and crying because they want their mommies. I promise, at that time in the morning, I want their mommies too!! :) Did I mention Potty training? because isn't that a Parents job? well I can answer that for ya, it should be BUTT, it's Miss. Stacy's job, Maybe when I have kids they will come out potty trained, because I've done my fair share, okay more than my fair share, but whose counting?  I guess I am :) and the toughest part. Child Abuse.

I knew that child abuse was a real thing, but boy did I have my eyes opened when I started working in the school system. What a heartbreaking thing! I can't count how many kids, I have wanted to kidnap so that they would be safe, just for one night. It literally makes me want to puke to think about some of the nightmares, "my" little kids, have had to deal with in their 3-5 years of life. It's also hard to see these amazing kids who have incredible challenges and will probably never live a "normal" life. I've worked with kids who have passed away early from their conditions.Oh the things I have seen, and learned from working with these incredible kids. Some days, I come home emotionally drained.  But I Love it. Along with the tough parts, My life has been blessed by these kids

 I have been able to see incredible things happen, that to some may seem like simple things, but to me it brings tears to my eyes, to see a child take 5 steps alone, or to see a crippled child pedal a tricycle 10 ft down the hall, or to walk in and have a child that they said wouldn't be able talk say  "Miss.Stacy" with some serious excitement.  Seriously some of the best days of my life.

Right now I'm feeling burnt out and really feel like I need a change. It makes me cry, to even think of missing out on "My Kid" time. I Love them, but I feel like it's time.  But what's next??  No Clue

Oh I hate decisions like this. I guess that I just have to put my trust in Heavenly Father and know that he will help guide me to what's best for me right now.  Decisions, decisions!

Wow this is like a novel. Sorry

SO FRUSTRATED I COULD...

SCREAM, CRY, SWEAR, PUNCH SOMEONE OR SOMETHING, or JUST RANT ON MY BLOG. 

I know that life isn't fair, or meant to be easy, we are supposed to learn things, apply them to life, grow and move on to become responsible and productive human beings who make the world a better place. Well I'm just gonna say it.
LIFE SUCKS !!

Sometimes I feel like I try so hard to do what's right in life and BAM!! It bites me in the butt.  Why even try?  Well because, it's important, or something..

I've decided that in my life, I'm the quiet and shy type, that puts up with, oh just about anything.(Outside, my home,that is) and I let anyone who wants too walk all over me or treat me like crap.  I know that will probably never change, so I should just shut up Now.  But I've been told, I always have to have the last say, So why would this be any different.

I wish that I could have the guts to say what's on my mind, when it's on my mind. Not after the fact. 

I just don't understand why some people are the way they are, and can't be more like me?  ha ha. No really though??

I know that I'm under confident and a people pleaser, but I'm tired of dealing with all this crap! 

I hate that Satan always has a way of making me feel like I'll never be good enough.  Maybe someday, I'll get the opportunity to punch him in the face. Wouldn't that be nice?

Anyways, maybe I can just take this day as another learning experience and realize that I should try harder to stick up for myself.  Who am I trying to kid?

Okay so enough from the angry, bitter  Stacy.

Hope everyone has a TERRIFIC day. :)

DR Update

So I went to the Dr yesterday and the Results!! I'm not InFertile.  Um Okay, Thanks for that Doc :)
Back to the Dr update. I went in to see if this new Dr could give me any insights into why, I've been having constant Headaches. Well this Dr. had me put my hand on this machine and it sent electrical currents through the body and gives a body analysis. you sit fully clothed, which I loved, and it doesn't hurt, which I also love.
So the conclusion, besides the fact that I'm good on the fertility front, is that I have really severe headaches. uh huh, I knew that! Dr. Thayne explained that there are 3 levels of headaches, regular, migraine and really severe, and well I have level 3 headaches and it's because my body is almost depleted of Lithium. causing it not to function properly. When he first said Lithium, I thought "Isn't that in Batteries?? Maybe I'll just start eating batteries. Would that work??  maybe, but for now he has given me some Lithium supplements to take. I guess, I'll go that route, for now. I'm really hoping and praying it works. It would be so nice not to have so much pain in my head.  I also learned a few other things about my body and that I have several things that are not balanced but he said I should not worry to much. I am excited to see what happens. We shall see in 2 months when I go back for a follow up.

Onward and Upward

Dear Blog.
Today has been a rough day!!!
I have been feeling pretty crappy and am tired of not feeling good. The headaches have eased up a lot and I'm so Grateful for that, but I just don't feel right. Tomorrow I'm headed to a Dr up in Rexburg and am nervous! I always think the worst, but I know that my body has been through some big changes in the past year and so for now I'm chalking it up to that. We shall see what Dr. Thayne has to say. Wish Me Luck!!  Also
I've really been missing my Grandpa lately and I really wish that he was here some days. He was one of the Kindest, most humble men around. I feel so lucky to have been blessed to not only know him, but have him in my life, and to have been able to spend a lot of time with him before he passed away. I was thinking back today of one of the times I sat with him and just held his hand before he passed away. I remember him just laying there while I read him an article from the Ensign, I figured he had fallen asleep, until I read the last line of the article and he squeezed my hand and said " I Love you Hunny."  I'll never forget that moment and am so Grateful for such an amazing example in my Life. I hope to someday be half as great as him. I Love You Grandpa Chandler.
So Thankful for good people in my life, that I can look to when times are tough.
Looking forward to a new day tomorrow.

Off the Map

So can I just say how much I Love this new show. It has only been on twice, but it has got to be one of my new favorites. It's suspensefull, and has a pretty good story so far, and not to mention the Male Dr's are pretty attractive. Can't wait for the next episode.

No Freaking Way

Okay this may seem, like not much of a big deal to some people. But to me it's HUGE!!!
Today I bought a couple pairs of Jeans, in a Size 18!!  I'm not sure you heard that Right, I said
 " A Size 18!!"   
I almost had to pinch myself, to make sure it wasn't a dream. 
 I was Totally Awake.
I'm so excited!!  I haven't been able to fit in this size for SO long.  What an awesome feeling.
Okay enough bragging for now. I can't wait to see what happens next :)

I have a DREAM!

Today is Martin Luther King Day.
So no School, and just spending the day relaxing and thinking about how grateful I am to live in a Free country. I am thankful for brave people who stand up for what they believe, even if it's not popular. I'm also thankful that I live in the day that I do and that most people try to be respectful of others.
Thanks Martin Luther King Jr, for Having a Dream!